Eric Bailey's

More thinking about seeing, but I am thinking differently. Sometimes I will start things with an end in mind. If I do not see the particular use or purpose then I may not actually start because it may seem irrelevant or useless. Do we have to see the end to start? Are there good things that we have no idea how to really use or where using it will take us that we haven't started because we cannot see that far yet. What lies over the hill, we can't see from the bottom, but once we start walking up things can become clearer.

Sometimes we just have to start and who knows where it will lead.

I am not sure I should talk about this but I am having an interesting time looking at things. The TV listings of shows (satelite TV) is getting to be blurry sometimes. Maybe my eyes are just as tired as the rest of me. Maybe it is time to get them checked.

What happens when life is blurry? How do yourself back into focus? I have another meeting with more planning. I am not ready. How do you get life-eyes checked? How do you get leadership eyes checked? Is this burnt out? Is there really such a thing as burnt out? I got lots a questions. Aren't I supposed to have the answers?

I will be going to a conference at the end of October, but I wish it was sooner. I remember returning from conferences with lots of ideas, with renewed energy, and with new skills. Maybe this will be a life-eye-doctor so that I can get new focus on the things I am trying to do. If nothing else at least I'll get in a round of golf (can't see the ball but I can hit it).

This is something that I am trying to work on. How I talk to my wife. I have real trouble asking questions. In my mind I have a whole bunch of questions and I try to narrow it down to the first question and move from there, but what it communicates is that I am trying to get my wife to volunteer to do the task. I kind of think that she may be right about that point. Now my focus is on not the first question, but the task I am trying to ask her about. This is hard.

I was on the receiving end of the wrong kind of communication last night. Instead of telling me that things were not working out, the statement was worded in a way that I totally blew it. It hurt.

I think that there are better ways to say things to each other. I think I need to remember this when I try to talk with my wife. Not the hurt, but the idea that we can say things in different ways. It is easy to slip into patterns of hurt without meaning to. I know I need to pay attention to my way of talking or it can easily become snapish, or critical. It is easier after all to find fault in others. This is what inspired my writing this, fault in an other. But the fault I need to focus on is in me. I think I read something like that somewhere (remove the plank from your own eye before trying to help with the speck in anothers eye).

I have been so busy today that I have not gotten to check my email or write this until the evening. It's not like I've been doing anything earth shattering, but I have been doing things.

I went to the library with my son, which I love to do, but it creates a problem. He asks me to read to him at the least oppurtune times for me. I have to choose between what I want to do and what he wants to do. Every time this happens it reminds me that I am basically a selfish person. I want to do my thing and leave the rest. I don't want to be interupted with someone else's agenda. I hate being reminded of that.

I came to realize last night that I am busy. Maybe not to some people, maybe some people can take on mor than me, but I am busy for me. There are questions that I have not considered in a long time, and instead of looking at those, I am busy trying to work on details. Maybe that is why some of the work is so tough. Some people are really good at details, I am not. I have to figure a way past this.

Maybe it is not too busy, but perhaps to chicken to put myself out there. I used to have plans and ideas, but I do not seem to have these as clearly. Maybe what I need is a success. An idea that I lead and others like it. Is that a success? Do others have to like the idea?

Maybe the busy-ness is in trying to balance too many other people's ideas of what success should be, and not leading. Oh to be a lion now instead of a golden retriever!

My thoughts are still scattered, but maybe I can focus on my dream, my plans, and try to show that to a little group, and get them to work out the details. I am definitely not as settled as this sounds, I think I have to hit my head against a wall for a while to try and straighten out some of the thoughts, maybe that will help me dream.

Yesterday I attended a refresher session for a program called for the love of books. It used to be books for breakfast, but people couldn't ingest any more paper.

I love reading. I do not read as wide a range as some, but once I get into a book, getting me back out is a problem. I convince myself to get through the work day so that I can get back to the book, reminding myself that I need to get these other things done. How did I get this way? What magic did my parents have that made me love stories?

Hopefully I will get to share my love for books and reading with other parents this year again, and maybe give some ideas that will help them inspire their children to love books.

Today, after I get everybody away from home, I get to go to a training session for a program called for the love of books. I love reading, but this is about passing on that love to children. I have enjoyed the other training sessions, and last year I was able to use it in the school that my son attends. This year we are at a different school. I want to teach these sessions, but I do not have any places set out already. Maybe people there will be asking for volunteers? The problem with that is then I have to put myself forward. I don't like to do that.

This is the start of something new for me. I hear people talk about this, but I have never tried to blog before. This should be an interesting experience as I try to think in a different format.

I wonder what other things that can be done with this kind of thing.