Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Tuesday's Class
I hesitate to write things that I don't talk about and since I don't talk about much, there often is not much to write about. On Monday my class which could be best described as "The journey of Adulthood" looked at attachment theory. I missed the first bit of class because they had to start early but I did some reading (I'll get to the other reading in a moment) and in class at the point I was there we bashed some of the assumptions of attachment theory. One such bash was it has no place in it for my older son. Then on Tuesday (again readings relating to attachment) in my child and adolescent in therapy class we looked at attachment. The teacher talked some, but then shared some visual tools she uses, and gave us the website to find these tools. Then she showed us a video. I was doing well until at the end of class she shared her own reaction to one of the three families being treated through the lens of attachment theory. She delved a little into why she reacted so strongly to one aspect of the film. Then she asked us to consider what we reacted to and think about why. I went from comfortably cruising through another class to lost in thought. I got my stuff together and as I was helping take down the room I used the opportunity presented to share with the teacher only that her sharing made me think about what I reacted to and I realized it was my garbage, not the parents failings I was reacting too. I did not delve deeply into it. She inquired if I had someone to talk to about this, and I answered that I did, but it might take a couple days to get together with how hectic my schedule is.
I saw in this video parents dealing with 1-3 year olds who would not sleep for them. I saw moms and dads entering the babies room, laying the baby back down in it's crib and setting the stuffed animals around the baby. All I wanted the parents to do was the pick up the baby, if not that, hug it in the crib. Hug the baby, rub it's back, sooth it a little. They did not do this action. I wondered if they were so far past that, or if they had been coached by someone to not do that, but no explanation was given. Instead the treatment focused on the parents learning to enjoy this child in play activities and learn to read the child's actions to understand what the child is communicating. This led to less frustration and allowed both the parents and the children to be more settled at bed time and ready for sleep.
MY baggage related to holding and being held. I feel that babies need this more than then may even think but it is my baggage that I might not notice even when trying to teach others how to parent. I will meet with my friend tomorrow to talk about this and I will tell the family stories. Sadly the one I know is told in a funny way and makes light of what may have been very difficult for both a mother and a child. I wonder sometimes about what it was like in my younger years raising a child who was ill? Was I always the ill child or was that something that occurred only at a few stages in life? I am becoming convinced that my asthma and the results were a trauma that cannot be helped but has left me somethings to work out. I suspect that, no matter what Eric may say, he needs a hug, a comforting hand on the shoulder, or some other physical gesture that communicates love, comfort, or support. Sometimes these classes are not easy because they talk about me more than about others.
I saw in this video parents dealing with 1-3 year olds who would not sleep for them. I saw moms and dads entering the babies room, laying the baby back down in it's crib and setting the stuffed animals around the baby. All I wanted the parents to do was the pick up the baby, if not that, hug it in the crib. Hug the baby, rub it's back, sooth it a little. They did not do this action. I wondered if they were so far past that, or if they had been coached by someone to not do that, but no explanation was given. Instead the treatment focused on the parents learning to enjoy this child in play activities and learn to read the child's actions to understand what the child is communicating. This led to less frustration and allowed both the parents and the children to be more settled at bed time and ready for sleep.
MY baggage related to holding and being held. I feel that babies need this more than then may even think but it is my baggage that I might not notice even when trying to teach others how to parent. I will meet with my friend tomorrow to talk about this and I will tell the family stories. Sadly the one I know is told in a funny way and makes light of what may have been very difficult for both a mother and a child. I wonder sometimes about what it was like in my younger years raising a child who was ill? Was I always the ill child or was that something that occurred only at a few stages in life? I am becoming convinced that my asthma and the results were a trauma that cannot be helped but has left me somethings to work out. I suspect that, no matter what Eric may say, he needs a hug, a comforting hand on the shoulder, or some other physical gesture that communicates love, comfort, or support. Sometimes these classes are not easy because they talk about me more than about others.
