Thursday, September 11, 2014
Surrender
"My moment of rebellion over, I know better and remember Peter's words: 'My goal is only that each day I should become closer to the God I understand.' The God I understand? Not the willful old man in the sky I've resented all my life. Truth. Essence. The inner voice I keep running away from. That's the God I've been resisting. If, Jonah-like, I'd rather hide in the stinking belly of a whale than face the truth I know so well, it's not because of intelligence but because of the refusal to surrender. To surrender, you have to give something up. I've been unwilling to do they. And YHWH said to Moshe: I see this people - and here, it is a stiff-necked people."
Gabor Mate - In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts
Saturday, September 06, 2014
Laundry Day Blues
Well, it is laundry day again. I have just one persons laundry (mine of course) so it is not as long. The one struggle is that I don't do laundry at home so I have to leave everything else to do it. Second struggle is that I have to load everything into the motorcycle to go to the laundrymat. Everything has to be securely wrapped. One time because of a light rain I had to wrap the basket in a garbage bag. The biggest struggle is that laundry is a reminder that it is just me here. Typing this out I feel the emotions I've been hiding.
I'll suppress for a little while longer as I try to find ways to emotionally support my wife across the distance.
Saturday, September 07, 2013
Bailey Family Film
Haaken has started story boarding his movie idea. We are all excited to get started on it. Stay tuned to see more or check out Erica's Facebook pictures.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Movies
Just watched Mystery Men and The Replacements. There is just something special about these two little movies. They are so funny and it is not the big jokes but the little comments that just crack me up.
The other interesting this is the inherent goodness of main characters. The Shoveller isn't a hero to be a hero but because it is his goodness, his earnestness. And his egg sandwich speech is inspirational. Falco is a hero because he likes people. He is just a nice guy. I often think of his quicksand speech.
Two special movies with two great characters.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Dreams
Last week I was afraid of waking up back in The Pas. This week I am waking up in The Pas.
I should hear this week about some job possibilities this week. I have applied all over the place but I have interviewed in Parksville. I will keep applying until I have a job but it is hard not to get discouraged.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Airports
So this year I've spent more time flying than ever before. Every month I have flown home and then back to work. It has not been easy and my phobias are not getting better - but they are not getting worse either. Landing in Vancouver today on the way to Saskatoon, the turbulence was a bit higher than usual. I've experienced worse but I could tell it was not going to be smooth. I pulled one of my therapy tricks out and used it. I focused on deep breaths. At no point during the landing did I seize up like ice felt other times in turbulence. I was much calmer, even though I was being triggered by turbulence. I may have to start listening to myself.
This morning, before I left, my wife and I had the opportunity to test drive some new motorcycles. I drove the Yamaha Raider. It was the biggest bike I've ever driven. It was a sweet ride. I was fighting the wind pretty hard but the bike handled easily and rumbled down the road, content at whatever speed I was driving. I'm not used to the cruiser pegs so far in front and shifting was smooth and easy but seemed weird as the shifter is in a different spot than I am used to. I think I could live with owning one of these bikes. Something else added to my wish list. Maybe I'll have to pick up my goldwing and survive driving it around this summer.
Friday, May 24, 2013
A difficult year
The year of pain is almost over. I have one more trip to The Pas with 3 weeks remaining in my time there. I do not look forward to the trip back starting tomorrow but I look forward to getting it over with.
I have been beating down doors looking for some sort of employment to help me start up my career in out here. If I hear back, right now I hear, "no you're not quite the right fit." Sort of a close but no cigar. I can't figure out if that means I'm winning the interview but just lack the experience or I look good on paper and bomb the interview. I've only had 2 interviews so far so mostly it is just on paper I don't fit. I guess I have some more pounding on doors to do.
I am not quite freaking out but I will be soon as I will be closer to finishing and not employed.
