Eric Bailey's

Today is the day of the big test. I don't know if I was worked up over this or if it is because I finally get to go home today that caused me to not be able to sleep last night. Either way, I'm up early after little sleep to write my big exam so that I can be an Instructor Therapist. I will then be qualified to work with Autistic Children.

The journey over the last two weeks to today was interesting. I have been questionning this decision of quiting my jobs to come for training and all because if I do not get 80% on this test I cannot do this job. If I fail I am out 3 jobs because I quit two to come here. I also got a phone call from another prospective job while I was here and we both decided that I did not have thetime they wanted for that other job. So I guess that is 4 jobs that are on the line today. No pressure. The journey is that yesterday after the review and studying on my own I really started to feel like I could possibly do this. I also discovered I had the highest mark on the pretest (we write the test cold the first day with no training) - 33%. I am ready to do this test now but first I need some breakfast.

I can't wait until I get home though.

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Finished in 1/2 an hour. Oddly enough I feel like I understood every question and may have only lost a couple of points, perhaps.

For the past week and a bit I have been studying Autism and intensive therapy to help kids with Autism achieve in some of the basic skills that can be challenging to learn. Many of the things I've seen and been trained to do relate more to helping with academic knowledge. Things like learning to ask for things, learning how to say words, sentences or even to describe things. The off shoot of much of this is a form of social interaction. It is this that is causing me concern, the socialization. I am wondering what he does in the classroom, how he interacts with others, if there is the encouragment for his classmates to interact with him? I remember even in Thunder Bay at recess he would be invited by the other children to play with them, but he would take the opportunity to do other things. He still does not play with the other children. The only time I have seen him really interact with another person, play and make up stories with another person is when he and Liam are playing together.

I am a social person. I value being around other people, I value interacting with others, I go a little stir crazy when I do not get out. Many of my concerns and my saddness about my sons diagnosis relate to his lacking the ability and desire to socialize with others. I do not understand this side of him and I impose my own feelings on him. So again I find myself waffling back and forth on this teeter-totter of emotion about my son. Do I need to roll up my sleeves and work intensively with him (or get someone to do it) so that he can be a social being, so that he can have the tools to develop social relationships, or do I need to be relaxed about this because he sees relationships differently, and not make him conform to my world view?

Plagued by questions I cannot answer I shall do like a good boy and go back to my room, suppress and study for my big final exam.

So I come to a strange city that I have never been to for training for my new job. Because of transportation issues and all that, I have to stay here over one weekend. I have never been to Sudbury and have just spent this week doing training and then going back to my room for studying. On Wednesday I make a call to the local Church of Christ, just to get the answering machine so I know times of service. I had a few different thoughts as to what I might do for the weekend, but when I hear the voice on the machine, I pretty much knew I would be staying here for worship. Ed Klym is a guy I met while I was in Thunder Bay. I'm pretty sure that we are also distantly related. It was a neat chance to meet up and catch up with someone that I run into here are there over the years. The final clincher for my Sunday plan was when I attended the house-warming party that Ed invited me to (at his house). There I met some of my great-uncle Llyod's children and some of my great-uncle Bethel's children. I don't have all the names or a great grasp of who is who, but it was a nice connection to make in a city where I was at first all alone.

Today I went to worship with the group here and my great-uncle Bethel was there. After the formal worship he came up and chatted with me briefly. I had been warned that he was suffering from some memory loss and he probably would not know who I was (which even if he did not have memory problems I could understand not knowing). Instead he knew I was Cecil's grandson. That was special for me. I was expecting him to look more like Grandpa, I could see some of it in his face, but he really looked a lot like JC, my grandpa's big brother. That part I found interesting.

It was good to hear Ed give a sermon, I think I would have heard him preach once before, unless that was one of the Sunday's I was away in Thunder Bay. He spoke of an image of what the book of Mark is doing as it opens up. It starts pretty quickly with the baptism of Jesus in the Jordan River. The image was that you could see the cross from the Jordan. The book of Mark is all about looking ahead to the cross. A great word picture for me.

Today I went out for lunch with Ed and Elaine, and on Wednesday I go to supper with Roy and Ellen (Lloyd's daughter). I'm just bursting at the seams to tell people that I've got family. Boy it is great to have that sense of belonging. I think I'm going to have to dwell on this thought more. I wonder how to give that sense of belonging to other people. People who don't have family, people who are not at home, people who are looking for a family. It makes a big difference, even when you spend the day sitting in your hotel room just studying, to know you have family, that you still belong and that you are not on your own. You can reach out if you are lonely, if you need help, if you just want to talk. There are people who accept you, who value you because you belong. There's got to be a way to bottle that idea.

There are different things I have thought about posting eventually but they will all have to wait as I am immersed in training for my new job which all happened so fast. I have been job searching basically since we go to Kenora. I have been working for the school bus company since last June and then I go a job at Haaken's school as a lunch hour supervisor. Life was ordered, not easy but ordered. Then this week I got a phone call from a job I applied for, and they wanted to do the interview the next day. The job offer came a few hours later with the understanding that I would fly out on Sunday to Sudbury for two weeks of training. I took the job, though it cost me my other two jobs (I really liked being at Haaken's school). It also caused another crisis. Tomorrow, is the first Tuesday that I was going to start my trips to Winnipeg for my class. I had to get a hold of the teacher and negotiate a way to participate while I am away. I will miss two classes (one each week), which is the equivilant of missing a two full weeks of classes. All that for a job that I need to pass a test for at the end of the week or it will all be in vain. I am getting nervous about it now.

I am really looking forward to getting to my first class, but that is now two weeks away. I am very into systems theory and I want to explore more of it, but now I have to wait. I can't even get my text book yet. Maybe the University here will have it? I doubt it. I guess I'll just have to learn a little patience.